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by Kimberly Ang

2014 was like a cliched roller coaster ride. It had highs and lows, twists and turns that you could not anticipate feeling. There were slow ascends, when you could not help but worry when you would peak, forgetting to marvel the view as you got higher until you finally peaked and the view took your breath away. And for that moment, you forgot the only way is down, that came fast without a moment’s notice. But it’s okay because you come back up again. You go right and left, but eventually you reach your destination.

In 2014, I –

  • learnt that I could be a fighter. I fought so hard for you, for us. And then I had the courage to chose to stop fighting, because I realised that some people are just worth fighting for. But you are not one of them, and that is okay. One that I’ll find someone worth fighting with my life for. And maybe one day you’ll find someone you chose to fight for.
  • had my heart broken. It didn’t feel broken as it felt empty. Like I had a void eating me from the inside, a hollow presence. It was not like a hole where I started to lose bits and pieces of myself, it just felt like a vacuum, void of space and time.
  • had my heart lovingly filled by God with the wise guidance of qy and the lovely people around me. It began a journey of self-love, and being filled with the love of the Lord daily so that I no longer craved from love from the world.
  • made a covenant with God, and looking back there has been a lot of growth since then.
  • pushed myself in my ministry. Two camps and an opportunity to lead. Thank God for the Survival Camp committee and the Camp Explorer committee, you all were amazing people to work with who taught me bits and pieces along the way. For the amazing mentors who taught, for the volunteers for giving me your support.
  • actually cried non-stop for 2 hours, and I don’t really know why. I know what triggered it, but I don’t know why I was crying so badly. I think it could be pent up frustration and exasperation and desperation. But that night I realised there are amazing people who would sit there for hours with my snot and babbles. I believed healing took place that night.
  • found direction in my ministry, because an awesome much of mates I met at Camp Explorer.
  • battled with tiresome FYP, spent hours and hours cooped up with group mates, non- stop typing and editing. Screaming and crying, we came out with top presentation of our category.
  • graduated, actually feeling accomplished.
  • started work, struggled so much with dying to self, humility and putting on a smile no matter how much you wanted to strangle your patient. Feeling so exhausted and fake at the end of the day, wondering if you became a slave to your patients. Love it, hated it, not sure what to conclude about it after all. But the people make things better.
  • ended work and went back to school, dealing with new systems, new expectations, constantly feeling lost and currently still feeling lost about such things. Dealing with things as they come because that is life.
  • had been faulted of “poor English” because of incoherent ideas. I DO NOT HAVE POOR ENGLISH, my writing may not be at affluent as it used to be but I definitely do not have poor English. You have no idea how much I wanted to strangle my prof when he said that.
  • chose to spend New Year’s Eve with my family, because no matter what, they are the closest thing to God on earth.

Happy 2015, God speed.