by Kimberly Ang
I always open this page and in hope that a muse moves me to write, but I realised that no words could appropriately fathom what I feel inside. The English language, in all it’s entirety and, i wanted to write superiority but that would just be racist, could not possible grapple the mess in my head.
Anyway, it has about 1 month and a week since the epic, turning point in my life as you would put it. I think, I’m in a better place then I would have expected myself to be in. I thought it would take longer than this for me to feel okay. Not that I am completely okay, I mean I would expect myself to have sporadic moments of intense missing you, but they come less frequent now, and it isn’t because I’ve convince myself to hate you or anything. I guess in a way you’ve shown me not to shut myself out from the world. So I thank you, because from this, I’ve found a way to be even closer people around me. Because of you, I have my story to tell.
I guess it’s pretty amazing I can speak of this without bursting into tears. A dear friend recently mentioned, after patiently listening to me tell my story as a struggled to find the words to explain in many different ways, it just could not work out, and said “You sound okay. I mean, you probably are not okay, but you sound okay. I’m glad you sound okay.”
I’m glad I sound okay too. I’m glad, I have someone whom I feel like I trust enough to share about this, and to have sarcastic conversations with and without having to fear like I’m offending you. Yeah I think, I reached another turning point in my life 1.5 months ago, when I made a stranger my friend, who listened to my story as it is and for once never wondered why I could possibly be okay, but is just glad that I am.