by Kimberly Ang

It just hit me how you’re in every little aspect of my life. You’re in the air that I breathe, your name is etched in the depths of my mind. Your eyes, your nose, your smile. The way you laugh, the way you cry. The way you walk, the way you talk. I cannot help myself but remember it all.

You are tucked away in the corner of my room. Your name still appears on my facebook chat, last seen. Your presence is there when I walk home. Everywhere, really.

The intuition is text you good morning. I am attuned to your habits, the little emojis that make you and I smile. Your little ways of showing love turned into routine, I don’t know how I bear the thought of it. It suddenly dawned on me how much I’d miss you, but I do not want to miss you because I cannot keep living in the past.

I wonder if you revisit those times where we simply loved each other for who we were, and remember how we felt back then. Time that tears apart, the same time that heals. I believe that it will get better, but I cannot seem to rid of you in any way. I cannot forget the night you first held my hand. And that I think that is probably the memory that hits me the most. I remember the exact time and date, the before and after, what I wore and what you wore. I remember my reaction and the look on your face.

I want to leave those memories here, because I can no longer live for you when you choose to move on. I could give you back every single thing from the past 2 years, but it sucks how I can never give back my memories and experiences with you.

You said you’ll still be around, but it isn’t the same. It will never be the same. And so I hugged you and kissed you goodbye. I said goodbye to the memories and the feelings we shared. I said goodbye to the 2 years. I said goodbye to us. I have to.