Helium Balloons are a Life Experience

by Kimberly Ang

Photo on 21-11-13 at 8.24 pm

(This has actually become a slightly overdue post and I’m sorry about that).

The day I received Elmo (thanks class!), I went for an unexpected trip to town for some sushi. So my hugeass Elmo, which is 90cm down and 80cm across, the height of a little kid who if any taller really should be paying for MRT rides, followed me through town that day. Into the crowded sushi parlour, up and down steps and in and out of the malls. THE WORST WAS THE MRT RIDES I KID YOU NOT.

So imagine the delight on little kiddos faces when they see an almost full grown adult, mind you, dragging a floating child-sized Elmo around town. It’s child-sized, it’s like the height of a 6 year old. Or a early tall 5 year old, either way. The train ride to town was fine, it was abut 4pm and the train cabins were empty, and we happened to get onto a cabin that was full standing. Walking around town was pretty fine as well, since it was a Thursday afternoon, mini the fact that I had to kind of hug Elmo where ever I went because if I pulled it by the string, it would just flop down due to some law of physics which I do not intend to understand so whatever.

Going home was the terror. I as so afraid it would pop due to Singaporeans being Singaporeans and being completely stupid about squeezing onto the train like their life depended on it, when really the next train is in only 2 minutes. So Elmo, with his outstretched hands already took up more space that a 6 year old would. So I had to hug it, clamp down it’s arms and also maintain balance. I deserve a prize for my balancing efforts. Somehow I managed to bring the balloon home, although I don’t really remember what happened after the train ride.

All I know is, that if this is what it feels like to be dragging a real 6 year old out to town, because they take up space and can’t help but wander (float) away when you let go of them and generally seem to have a mind of their own, then I think teens in neighbourhood schools should just be given a kid-sized helium balloon for sex ed for a week and they would TOTALLY RETHINK HAVING UNSAFE SEX YOU BUGGERS.

And so, Elmo is now looped around my bed frame by it’s string at the foot of my bed because I don’t really have any space for him. I can’t put his near my desk because then it’s by my door and God knows my sister has gotten unnecessarily spoked by it a few times because she walked past and realised there was a figure in the middle of my room. So now Elmo just floats at the foot of my bed, arms outstretched and smile wide and all, looking over me with unblinking eyes and unwavering expression as I go about in my room. I’m surprised it hasn’t actually creeped me out when I sleep. Perhaps it would creep out any intruder and they might think twice about coming near my bed hahahaha.

Plus it’s looking skinnier now, definitely not as turgid as it was when it first came home. The funny part will come when only what helium’s left is in Elmo’s head. Air head. HAHAHAHHAHA.

Okay I just had to finish this draft.  usually never finish drafts. Achievement unlocked.