10 Reasons You Know I Love You

by Kimberly Ang

1. I will travel to the other end of the country to find you. I kid you not, it literally is travelling across the country. Although granted, my country can’t be more than 40km apart in width but still. I will get up early in the morning and board the expensive express bus so that I could spend that extra minutes with you. And because I know how difficult it is for you to wake up early to travel over and how much you like your home so I’ll do the travelling, I choose to.

2. I want to sing to you. I want to play the guitar/ukulele/keys in whatever broken musical talent I can summon just to sing a song that I once heard over the radio that reminded me of you. I’ll probably never be in tune, or get the timing or the chords perfect, but I still want to do it for you. No matter how many times I chicken out, I will keep trying.

3. So because not matter how much I try, I can never be as musically talented as you, although I really did wished I lived in a Disney movie every once in a while because it would be amazing to be pitch perfect with no sort of vocal training really, here I am writing lists for you at 10.45 at night when I am procrastinating on a presentation because I really just want to concuss but I really want to get this written (and finished) for you, which leads me to my next point..

4. I am overcoming my horrible habit of procrastination for you. A lot can be said about my procrastination, I swear it stems out from some sort of anxiety issue I have where I swing from both extremes of being OCD or procrastinating but never quite enough. But here I am making sure I pen down (or type out) the words that keep flowing through my head before I lose my muse because honestly, you are my muse, and I just want to write about you all day, though I guess people could get sick of it.

5. I woke up at 4am to make you breakfast because you were going to work on a cruise over the weekend. Remember that time? And that one time where I tried to bring you breakfast before school so I travelled about an hour plus to your house, with all my non-telepathic ability willing the bus to move faster so that I could surprise you before 8am. When I thought you and left because it was one of those magical days you woke up early and actually had your breakfast I cried because I felt so dumb nothing worked out the way it did in my head but all you did was laugh at me and hugged me as I cried even harder. But I guess that was all worth it.

6. I give you your space to do the things you want to do, to meet the people you want to meet, no matter how hard it is for me to let go (like I said, OCD and anxiety issues.) It gets quite bad, and I know we have argued over it before, but please know that I am trying my hardest at this. I never want to be the one that holds you back until you snap. But just so you know, no matter where you are, no matter how far you could be  or what god forsaken time it could be at that moment, if you need me I will fly to your side.

7. I’ll reply your texts immediately when I know it has come in. Maybe it’s another one of my anxiety issues, but I can never deal with those “read now, reply later” things which I have no problem with other friends. Nope, I could be standing on the bus with my arms full and still I will find a way to balance myself and open the text you send me. And with the same balancing power attempt to reply, with a few stumbles and typos. And then I get anxious when suddenly the replies get slow. I guess so matter in what form, I just love talking to you because it brings me to a place of happiness and serenity that my surrounding environment could never give me in that point in time.

8. I literally burned a hole in my pocket to get you Journey tickets because I knew it was an old school band you had to see. It didn’t bother me that you didn’t insist on returning me the money for the tickets. I googled and searched and plower through all sorts of methods to get Aerosmith tickets at half price because I knew how much you wanted to see them and how the tickets were kind of steep. Because all I could think about was the look of joy in your face when in some way or another, I made it possible for you to see your favourite bands. And makes me really happy just to be there with you as well.

9. 3am Skype sessions. Because no matter how dysfunctional your body clock may be and how our scumbag brain could make you sleep through our Skype date, no matter how tired I am from waiting up, when you are finally up at some random hour of the night I still want to see your face and talk to you, even if I am no longer functional as a person anymore. My subconscious gets your face though my consciousness may not get your words. You have begin to exist beyond my consciousness, because truly I tell you this: that I now believe with all my heart (even though every once in a wile I still find it incredulous) that you really do love me and would never intentionally try to hurt me.

10. I’ll never let you go. I will never let you give up on us, I’ll never let you turn around and walk away. I will fight tooth and nail for us; fight with all my blood, sweat and tears and everything in me until I have nothing left to fight for. I will pursue you to the very end like I did before, and I will do it over and over again until you are convinced to stay. Because you know I will, you’ve seen me do it, and I’m glad that some part of you still found enough love for me to stay