8 sure-fire ways to beat the haze

by Kimberly Ang

There really isn’t any way to miss the haze, unless you have been living under a rock since the beginning of the week. While most of us quietly pray every morning for the PSI reading to hit 200 so that work will be cancelled and we can all hide at home like hermits, here are some things you could do to amuse yourself and make the best out of the haze.

1) Imagine that you have been transported into Middle Earth
While there is nothing all that misty about the haze, and not a mountain in sight, it kind of gives you that illusion all the same. What with the HDB flats engulfed by the dense haze that you can only see their silhouettes, it kind of does look like the Misty Mountains of Middle Earth. That and you can’t really tell when you’re looking out of the window that it’s not the cool, dewy air of the mountains but the hot, stifling air of the tropics. And there are no Dwarves, I guess. But if you stuck your head out and took in a deep breath, you might think that this would be the actual smell that Bilbo smelt when he got near Smaug. After all, dragon fire, forest fire, close enough.

Plus you could try lowering your voice and octave and singing the Misty Mountain song, which to be honest bored me to tears when I found that my sister put it into my iPod.

2) Get out of the house, but out of the haze
That’s the challenge, getting out of the house and actually walking along the streets doing stuff, and trying to stay out of the haze as much as possible. Do no allow yourself to be exposed, hide under a block while waiting for the traffic light to change before bolting across the road! I can imagine people bolting around from mall to mall, building to building, decked in masks and sunglasses. It’s kind of amusing, and you could probably tell who the better ninjas are. It could actually become a game, although I have yet to figure out what the objective is, and how the scoring system work. Uhm…

3) Try that recipe you’ve been wanting to try
I tried making poached eggs today. They were’t all that bad, visually it looked god, but then I overcooked my yolk and it was just dry. I guess I should have known when I saw that the yolk had started to seem somewhat solid in the pot, but then I trusted the internet too much when it said 3-5 minutes ): The next recipe I would love to attempt would be Chicken Cordon Bleu! I found a recipe that looks simple enough. Once I get over my aversion to touching raw chicken. Basically just cook anything you can find in your kitchen. Be creative with your food! I cooked udon with cheese sauce before, and it was good. Or maybe that I was something I told myself I had to believe because it was my lunch.

Also, it’s awesome when you aren’t the one doing the grocery shopping 😀

4) Sleep
What better way than to kill time sleeping. At least in your dreams, you could do anything you want. There could even be haze in your dreams that that haze won’t kill you. Nope. Before you know it, 4 hours have passed and it’s time for the next meal. Since you cannot get out of the house, why not try being a pig for a day. Your momma can’t accuse you of not being normal and why aren’t you going out to play like “every other kid your age”.

Plus it would be legit to say “the haze is making me feel really tired and I’m having a headache from the bad air and the heat.”

5) Go to the gym
Since you can’t run, doesn’t mean you can’t be healthy. Stay indoors and exercise!

Yeah, I don’t know why I put this in because I wouldn’t take my own advice anyway.

6) Amuse yourself with the creativity of Singaporeans
I’ve been seeing a whole slew of photoshopped images and movie posters about the haze on Singapore’s 9gag Facebook page and I have to say, some of them are really good and downright hilarious. The awesome thing about this is that just like 9gag, the photos could be horrible photoshopped that no one really cares. In fact, some bad photoshopping is the whole cornerstone of 9gag. What you need are good captions, and some of them are really witty. Like, you forgot that we are capable of such wit.

Here are some of my favourites: Now You See Me spoof, selfshot, The Haze (no idea what spoof this is), Haze survival guide

7) Religiously check the hourly PSI readings on the NEA website
I’ve got the NEA website a permanent tab on my iPhone since 2 days ago. I check it almost every hour. It’s kind of therapeutic for me. God knows, I might start plotting a graph soon to compare the days. This afternoon at 2PM when the PSI hit an all high of 170, I ran around the house freaking out and yelling “170! WE ARE GOING TO DIE.” in an overly dramatic voice. I think of myself as like the Paul Revere of PSI or something.

Paul Revere, you know, the one who rode through town yelling “the British are coming, the British are coming!” Bet you not everyone took him seriously then too.

8) Or just curl up with a good book, or with a good drama
I’ve been reading the Caster Chronicles recently. Wouldn’t say it is the most thought evoking piece of literature, but it is a far cry from the Twilight Saga. Although I could draw some comparisons between the two if I really wanted. It has however put my imagination into overdrive with the elaborate descriptions of Caster Tunnels and magical places and whatnot. Plus the twists are pretty good, reading it at 1AM has managed to spook me a little bit. Then again, I am quite easily spooked. And I have a pretty good Japanese drama that the boy passed to me to finish too.

But on top I everything are my pile of notes and assignments due that sadly I would say, I could be a tad more diligent in doing :/