To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die

by Kimberly Ang

Death.

Its a bit of an oxymoron don’t you think? You don’t know how you feel about death, what it actually signifies. There is joy and sorrow in the passing of a life to the next. Sorrow, for the obvious reasons, because we will miss the person and they are gone and you never could quite put your finger on how much their presence meant to you after their gone. We humans don’t deal with goodbyes very well, especially when there is a knowledge of finality in that goodbye. Unsaid words and undone things, things we should have done or could have done better. I guess what we grieve for really is the missed chances we had.

Has anyone really thrown a party to celebrate the passing of one’s life? I know my friend once described how her funeral were to be: it would be a party. A band to celebrate her life, people speaking of the fun times they had with her. Hats, colours, no tears, because she wants to be remembered for all the amazing things she’s done in her life, and not of a life that could have been more. Why do we grieve for the lady who has lived to a 100, for a man who made a difference in this world, to a child that inspired change. I guess once we recognise the person’s purpose of their life and how they have fulfilled it in their time on earth, there is nothing to be sad about. You grief when you expect something so much more out from the person which you can never see fulfilled, when you don’t recognise their purpose in the first place.

I never really know how to act at funerals, especially when it’s someone who is supposed to be close to me. What am I supposed to feel, what am I supposed to do? Am I too detached, and I too emotionally involved? I guess sometimes people expect you to feel so broken at a funeral that you feel like it’s wrong to be okay. It’s wrong to laugh at a funeral. It’s wrong to socialise at a funeral. My guess is just take it in it’s context and do not go overboard. After all, we’re all unified in the same place by one person.

I don’t really intend to go into the whole funeral procession because I have strong feelings that would probably just insult most people out there, and I don’t really want to get into some kind of argument about this (God knows my parents are already giving me hell about it). My stand is simply this: you can’t tell a person how they should grief, but they should never impose their beliefs onto you either. If you think that something that you could do for them would make them feel better, then go ahead. But if something makes you uncomfortable, it’s alright to say no. People will never understand but it’s okay.

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