by Kimberly Ang
You meant nothing when I first saw you.
I mean nothing malicious, even though it is a sentence usually loaded with enmity. I’m just being balantly honest about my first thought.
You meant nothing to me when I first saw you.
I didn’t quite notice you, as much as I noticed your hair. Your brightly, bleached highlights, that I could spot from a block away. There really isn’t anything quite special about the highlights, except that it always reminded me of Jack Barakat’s hair from So Wrong, It’s Right. One of my absolute favourite bands. I had a love-hate relationship with that hair. I loved the way it made you stand out in the crowd, how I could immediately recognise where you were sitting from the back on the lecture theatre because of the glow of the highlights. I hated the way they called you and ah beng because of it though, and I didn’t like the way it associated you with such, because I knew that you were nothing like that, although you seemed a little proud at that association. Little by little I realised things about the hair faded into the background and it didn’t seem so much to me as an identifier anymore. I recognised the back of your head, the way you walked, the sound of your voice, it was like I established an internal radar.
The next thing I noticed about you were your chiselled features, the angle of your chin, the slope of your nose, the way you held your features high in self confidence where ever you went. I guess my subconscious felt allured by your surety, the air you possessed. The crinkle of your eyes when you smiled, disappearing, but twinkling all the same.
Your laughter. Your loud laughter, like nothing in the world could faze you at that moment.
Right then, I decided that you wouldn’t be good for me. I decided that you were just another pretty boy, one that would mean nothing to me.
It’s funny the way things turn out. Looking back, I don’t think the boy I know back then is quite like the man I have in my life right now. Minus the hair, nothing about you changed, but everything about you changed to me. I never have much thought to the boy I knew 2 years ago, every moment I think of the man I know right now.
You allowed me to love you, and I think right then when you unknowingly opened your heart, you became more amazing than I thought you could ever be.
At least to me.