Begin Again

by Kimberly Ang

Repost from whimsicalwordplays.tumblr.com:

You said you loved me.

The world stopped spinning in the moment, the passer-bys faded into the back ground, the cars seemed to slow down to a stop; you held me and looked into my eyes with so much certainty as you said those words.

3 words, 8 letters.

And then I bawled my eyes out. I don’t quite know how I felt at that moment, even an array of emotions wouldn’t be able to aptly describe it. I felt so torn and so broken, so incomparable, so unworthy of being loved; so relieved, so elated to know that I meant something to you and I kind of resigned to not hearing those words till maybe years later; stunned, confused, because I wasn’t sure if you meant it or because I was being horribly suicidal the whole night. But most of all I knew the walls had come down, and you stood there in front of me, stripped and raw, bearing your soul to me in those 3 words that probably was the hardest thing you could ever do before, but somehow you found somewhere deep in your heart the capacity to love someone as broken as I am.

I made you repeat it a second time tonight, mostly because I still didn’t  believe what I heard, after all the mind is so powerful that I thought if I believed hard enough, I might have hallucinated that moment. But again in that same certainty you said you loved me, and my heart swelled with so much joy.

8.5 months, and we’ve reached a whole never level in our relationship. Tonight I didn’t just fall in love with you again, but in you I found my best friend and my comfort, someone whom I really can bare my soul to without fear. It’s scary and exciting at the same time to have someone feel so sure about you, usually it’s just me thinking I’m sure about the person. But tonight I am sure, of you and that you are sure of me in return. It’s something kind of new, I wished I could write a song about this (just because I’m listening to Taylor Swift now), but until I can get the words to obediently assemble themselves in my head, this post will have to suffice.

If you never noticed, I’ve never told you that I loved you out loud before. Reblogs don’t count, they are only frivolous usages of the phrase. So does the phrase “love ya” in my opinion, they are just too casual. I guess saying it out loud just makes it more real and tangible, and that thought really did scare the hell out of me, but not anymore.

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