definitely a mad man with a blue box

“There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.” ⎯ The Tenth Doctor

Things I’ve Learnt from Flying (especially long haul flights)

by Kimberly Ang

  1. Pockets. Pockets are useful af. I don’t understand why female clothing have a lack of pockets, especially since we are the ones always managing items for others (aka our man). I say, who cares about tight fitting clothes that show our silhouette; poackets forever! My favourite is buying a dress or skirt and discovering that the designer made pockets. That is what is call feminism. 
  2. Ignore all the bull about the convenience of travelling without checking in your luggage. Sure it may help you skip having to wait around the belt, but really do you want to trudge alone through a crowded airport in transit with 2 bags and a backpack? Especially when transits are in the wee hours of the morning. Take it from someone who walked from her house to the train station, which was only 5min, I really don’t want to have to be managing my luggage when alone during my 2.5h transit. But then again if you’re on a short haul, direct flight, by all means keep your cute little luggage with you. 
  3. Speaking of carry-on luggage, I am generally quite inept at putting my luggage on the overhead rack. I literally used my head to prop my luggage up while I used my hands to push. Hard. The fear of your luggage crashing onto your, it’s insanely legit. 
  4. To be honest, just carry as little as possible into the aircraft. Really speeds things up at security. 
  5. On hindsight, there is a benefit to not having pockets, you don’t have to empty them for security and be afraid someone is going to feel you up. 
  6. Get to your gate early and just chill grind your food along if you have to. If not you won’t get seats at the waiting area and you’ll be standing around like a blithering idiot. 
  7. If you’re the kind that does not pee much, or has emptied your bladder before the flight, take one of the seats inside. That way no one can bug you, and you can bug others if you really have to get out – and if they don’t willingly let you out you can always accidentally-on-purpose give them a good shove. After all, they probably chose the aisle seat so they had that coming anyway. 

We turn two today.

by Kimberly Ang

“Good morning love, and happy two months to us. I’m thankful for every single moment you are in my life.”

This is what I would have said, if I could have the universe still spinning my way. But some days, reality becomes harsher than it just usually is. Your love, or rather the love that I have for you, is no longer this all consuming fire that threatens to burn me if I allow myself to come too close. This love has faded into the background, like a filter on my life. It has changed the way i see things, though nothing alarmingly glaring.

Being with you has allowed me to just be, to never have to try to be anyone but myself when I’m with you. We fall into this synchronised way of being when we are together, we never seem to have anything to stop talking about. All we do is laugh, and laugh. And you know, it does feel amazing to be able to laugh with an unbridled joy, with nothing haunting you at the back of your mind. But that is how I feel with you, I feel like I’m free, like the world could keep on turning and existing but nothing else mattered but the conversations we were having.

So every single time I tell myself to stop there. I tell myself never have to try to define myself or compare myself to the other people in your life because the journey I’ve had with you is nothing, nothing, that they would have experienced. I tell myself to allow us to have all the time in the world because time is what we have.

Or maybe I’ve just come to a point where I love you enough to just want you to be happy at this moment in time, even the difficult things that make me uncomfortable.

Happy monthsary love, that’s what you would’ve said.

by Kimberly Ang

You love me enough to want me as a constant in your life, unable to allow me to walk out of your life. But yet, you cannot decide if you love me enough anymore to want to take a chance on us and see how much more we could be. And here I am, wondering how this could be, and how will I ever be okay with it. Because I cannot bear the thought of losing you, but how will I ever let you go if you’re always there? We keep doing the same things without the label, in the grey area. What does that make me?

Why couldn’t we just have some faith in us.

But one thing you’ve taught me, is that just how much I love you to respect your decision, and how strong I can be to let you go.

by Kimberly Ang

When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep. 

Stuck in reverse. 


Thank you for being the light that guides me home. Home feels like you and I. 

12.30/7.30

by Kimberly Ang

Our first international movie date could not be more magical than watching Stardust at 12.30/7.30 (Dub/Sg). I’m really glad to have been able to catch the Coachella Live stream of his favourite band just before that, and while their music isn’t thoroughly my genre, it was fun and I liked their tunes. So for once I was the one who sacrificed sleep and watched a movie till the wee hours of the morning, although really, how is 2.30am considered early for me? Oh god, I have become one of those morning people in Dublin who sleep by midnight and cannot sleep beyond 9.30am. I am disappointed with my current lack of hibernation skills lol.

You see a future with me, we have rhetorical plans. We work short term and long term, and you aren’t worried about it. You’re getting ready to conquer the world with me. I want to do so only with you by my side, holding my hand.

How many miles to Babylon?
Three score and ten.
Can I get there by candle-light?
Yes, and back again.
If your heels are nimble and light,
You may get there by candle-light.

35 days to forever.

Playing the waiting game.

by Kimberly Ang

…because he’s brilliant, and he’s funny and mad, and best of all he really needs you. The trick is, don’t fall in love. I do that trick a lot, sometimes twice a day.

– Clara Oswald

One of my favourite clips from Doctor Who, so underestimated and under viewed. I think this clip really reveals the fundamentals in the relationship between the Doctor and Clara. I just love how it’s presented.

I don’t really know the point I am trying to make (yet). All I know is that I really wanted to share that clip because I think it is a beautiful clip. I also wanted to sit down and really get down to writing proper, but I feel like my words always get stuck and never come out eloquently.

I guess what I am trying to say is, what is it that made Clara the Doctor’s Impossible Girl. What sort of gravitational force of nature draws two strangers together and make them soulmates? What made us compliment each other like two pieces of a puzzle, what made us decide that 7 hours, 11,192km (yes, I googled the distance between Dublin and Singapore) and 40 days were worth waiting. Going beyond waiting, what made us decide it was worth the effort? Or rather to me, what made you decide that I was worth the effort and wait?

Before I go off tangent, I am not going to psycho analyse this thing between us. This is more about the inevitable game of waiting we got ourselves into, willingly subjecting ourselves to the push and pull of our hearts. I remember my secondary school History teach ever tell us about the concept of delayed gratification. Our current generation lives in the now, we never have to wait for anything, we want things quick and instant. Waiting for something, seeing it grow and mature, changing with time and effort put in and the end may prove to be even more satisfying. What’s more is that the value of the entity grows with everyday you wait for fruition.

Waiting was always something that triggered my anxiety. Waiting for a text, a reply, a confirmation, waiting for a person some where even. The feeling of passivity and helplessness, like there a lack of control in the outcome always scared the hell out of me. I’m not the most patient wait(er?). Now with the time, the distance and the days between us, I’m being forced to wait. Granted, technology has paved a huge way for LDRs to work, but then again it’s so tiring and frustration. I can’t see you when I want to see you, I can’t spend time with you as and when I want to be because you literally say good morning when it’s midnight.

If we can survive this, we can survive anything else, can’t we? We can make the rhetorical plans a reality. Sometimes I feel like if we could have some much chemistry between each other miles and miles away from home, we might just explode when we finally meet. It’s scary yet exciting at the same time.

40 days could not come sooner. I keep telling myself it’s only 40, it is barely over a month. It will fly past in a blink of an eye.

Everyday we just keep getting closer and closer.

This is who you’ve become to me.

by Kimberly Ang

Intimacy is not who you let touch you. Intimacy is who you text at 3am about your dreams and fears. Intimacy is giving someone your attention, when ten other people are asking for it. Intimacy is the person always in the back on your mind, no matter how distracted you are.

– Daisy Mae Darling (but I am actually unable to find the origin of this quote)

deux.

by Kimberly Ang

It’s day 2 night in Dublin. I’ve already realised a certain number of things. All this is truly an experience. Point form, because I’m too tired to make my paragraphs flow.

  • Good asian food far surpasses Western food. I thought I loved Western food but honestly everything here is pub food, which basically means everywhere sells Guinness beef casserole with mash.
  • Having your own room is pretty awesome and I don’t really think I have a problem going into reclusion once in a while, as long as it is self-reclusion and not exile, if you get what I mean. Which makes me wonder again if I am simply an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert. The difference is subtle, but it is there.
  • You win some you lose some. In this case you lose people because they think you may be in a different time zone than them and therefore cannot be bothered with you. And there some for an inexplicable reason you drop them the most random texts after totally getting over before ignored for 2 weeks only to be woken up from your jet lag with a whole slew of messages like the person never left. And it does feel like the person never left. Jokes, inside jokes continue in a comfortable understanding.
  • That being said, a 2 year plan to Disney World is made. Can’t wait for it A. Cannot believe I have to wait another 2.5 months to seal this deal.
  • And in conclusion to this, my cynical and somewhat rational (or rationalising) part of me believes that this 2 year plan will not come to pass because come on, only such promises ever come in fruition in movies. No one ever has to wait in movies. Things never have to change if they do not want to in movies. But life changes, and time waits for no one. Who knows, I may not even get my physical pinky promise with a Guinness in 2.5 months.
  • I need to believe that people actually mean what they say.
  • I got so used to counting backward that I forgot Singapore is actually 8 hours ahead. And of course my mental calculations are terrible and I completely forget that I am texting someone at 4am and sitting there wondering why I’m not getting a text.
  • This might actually make me a morning person. Because someone woke up at 2pm and woke me up at 6am here. Though I was actually already half awake because of the whole jet lag thing.
  • There really isn’t much things to do here at night, shop close early and there aren’t really any malls. I think I really am turning into a morning person.
  • If you didn’t realise by now, long and distasteful ramblings only happens when I’m really tired and I’m abusing the backspace button like no tomorrow.
  • Clean by Taylor Swift is a really empowering song.
  • I really really really want my 2 year plan to come to pass. I really really want my pinky promise and Guinness to happen. Please happen. YOU, please want this too.

I’m so tired right now.

hello from dubai, with love.

by Kimberly Ang

Hello, it’s 3.20am in Dubai now and here I am camped at Starbucks which is like, pure joy because all I really wanted after my first leg of the flight was coffee, and not the kind you get from the pot. And who cares if it’s 3am, my body is running on 1.5hours of sleep and thinks it’s 7am so caffeine seems quite apt.

Also I am nursing a terrible neck ache from the flight, which could quite possibly become a cervicogenic headache and I hope that does not happen. I don’t know why but the guy sitting beside me on the plane was kind of strange and also and very uncomfortable, which made me uncomfortable. Plus, he invaded my personal leg space -.- AND, who asks for a beer at like 2am in the morning?

This neck ache is making me cranky.

I want you to know.

by Kimberly Ang

“I want you to know that it’s our time
You and me bleed the same light
I want you to know that I’m all yours
You and me we’re the same force”

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same — Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

A modern take on the classic literary quote.

It’s 10 hours to my flight and frankly I’m quite ready to get out of this hell hole and live a little, with no one always looking over my shoulder, monitoring me and keeping me in check. I feel so suffocated, so tired, so weary. Give me a new air to breathe, let it course through my veins and give me a different light.

I’m an over dramatised HSM’s Breaking Free lol. Fts.